What is a Mother Wound?
Our relationships with our mothers – or lack thereof – have deep effects on our mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. The way the mother-child relationship develops in early childhood speaks to who we are today, and when the progression is negative, distant, and discouraging, the effects can often feel too heavy to heal.
I welcome you to get curious about the Mother Wound. As a society, we often avoid discussing the reality of Mother Wounds. It goes against the very beliefs that cause them and acknowledging a Mother Wound can be turbulent, viewed as an attack on a mother instead of a step forward for the daughter. The isolation this avoidance creates means many women don’t even know they are struggling with a Mother Wound, which in turn hinders all misguided attempts at healing.
In this guide to Mother Wounds, you’ll find out:
- What is a Mother Wound?
- Where Does the Mother Wound Come From?
- How Do I Know If I Have a Mother Wound?
- How Does My Mother Wound Impact Me Today?
- What Can I Do Now to Start Healing My Mother Wound?
What is a Mother Wound?
In simple terms, the Mother Wound is pain and trauma inherited from your mother. Mother Wounds usually pass from mother to daughter, but it’s not unheard of for it to have an effect on sons.
As a generational trauma, or curse, any Mother Wound can have deep roots. Your Mother Wound is unhealed trauma inherited from your mother, which can consist of unhealed trauma your mother inherited from her own mother (your grandmother), and so on.
This layering, sometimes dating back to ancestors you might not have met, can cause the disorientation and confusion underlying most Mother Wounds. That’s why understanding where the pain comes from, that it is something outside of yourself, is key to moving forward toward healing.
Where Does the Mother Wound Come From?
On a grand scale, Mother Wounds manifest from the patriarchal societal pressure placed on women (which we all know transcends countless generations). The foundational idea of what a woman should be – even to this day – is rooted in male desire.
Focusing on our mothers and grandmothers, the most likely source of our present Mother Wounds, the expectations were as follows:
- To be in service to the home, husband, and children before herself
- To maintain an ideal mood and appearance 100% of the time (not showing or sharing negative emotions)
- To sacrifice personal ambitions in support of the male partner and the family
These oppressive pressures invalidated female identity and individuation, ignored the universal (both male and female) need for emotional support and space, and ingrained the idea that a woman’s value was not inherent, but dependent upon constantly meeting specific standards.
Who Has a Mother Wound?
Technically, anyone who had an emotionally unavailable mother and no space to process their emotions around abandonment, self-esteem, and belonging can have a Mother Wound. However, there are particular demographics of women who are more likely to have a Mother Wound.
Women of color, immigrants, and women in poverty are more likely to struggle with Mother Wounds because the pressures that manifest Mother Wounds are heightened for those communities.
The higher level of oppression these communities face add to the weight of what it means to stay strong, to sacrifice, and to keep it together 100% of the time.
How Do I Know If I Have a Mother Wound?
Women with Mother Wounds typically experience 3 encompassing symptoms (meaning there are various, more specific symptoms that fit within each of the three categories).
- Abandonment issues that manifest as the inability to trust your own emotions, resulting from a lack of emotional support from your mother.
- Body-image issues that manifest as an inability to feel confident and secure in your body, resulting from a lack of mental support from your mother.
- People pleasing behaviors that manifest as an inability to set boundaries for self-preservation, resulting from lack of spiritual support from your mother.
I expand upon these three symptoms in the Do You Have a Mother Wound? blog post.
How Does My Mother Wound Impact Me Today?
Relationship with Mom
Your mother doesn’t support you emotionally, meaning she doesn’t engage with you in an appropriate emotional way (validating your experiences, offering you a safe space to process your feelings).
Your mother doesn’t support you mentally, meaning she criticizes you more than she validates you.
Your mother doesn’t support you spiritually, meaning she doesn’t value you for who you are and empower you with a sense of self-worth and confidence in your identity.
Childhood Manifestation
As a child, without the space to acknowledge, engage, and understand your emotions you grew to distrust them. Instead, you started keeping your feelings to yourself in hopes of creating the space to connect with your mother.
As a child, you felt insecure in your body. The critiques made you doubt your identity, made you doubt how you fit into the world. In search of approval from your mother, you adapted to her idea of perfection, even when it stifled or conflicted with who you were/wanted to be.
As a child, you sacrificed your own interests in an attempt to please her and fit her idea of the perfect child, all in an attempt to gain the love she was capable of giving.
Adulthood Manifestation
Now, you struggle with abandonment and trust issues. You don’t open up to people, which prevents you from achieving the intimate connection you crave. Even when you want to open up, you don’t understand your emotions and don’t feel secure trying to articulate them.
Now, you struggle with body-image insecurity. Nothing feels right, nothing feels like you because you spend so much time trying to be who you think others want you to be instead of getting to know yourself.
Now, you struggle to create and maintain healthy boundaries. You learned that the love you need isn’t the love you’ll get, so you’re willing to accept any love that you can find, thinking that’s all you’re worthy of even if it’s still not fulfilling.
What Can I Do Now to Start Healing My Mother Wound?
If you reflect on your childhood and see clear connections between your relationship with your mother and some of the emotional struggles you face today, then you might have a Mother Wound.
Like I said before, so many women don’t know the name of what they’re struggling with. They’re trying to heal all the wrong things, usually with a few right strategies but not enough to truly cater to what Mother Wound healing requires.
Once you’ve identified your Mother Wound, it’s time to explore some healing options. As a Spiritual Success Coach, I always recommend a holistic method that empowers you to achieve the healing you are capable of through yourself. Mother Wound healing is hard. You have to be willing to face the truth of your trauma, process it, accept it, and accept yourself.
There are 3 primary frames for healing the Mother Wound, which I talk about in my Practical Tips for How to Heal Your Mother Wound.
Key Takeaways
Understand that having a Mother Wound means there’s still a part of you – your inner child – that craves the love it didn’t receive from your mother earlier in life. Healing your Mother Wound is the process of reparenting yourself so that you can provide that love for yourself instead of seeking it from others.
Guruji Chastity, Spiritual Success Coach: Connect with Someone Who Knows
Mother Wounds are more common than we think. I myself have a Mother Wound, and I’ve spent a lot of time and energy processing the childhood trauma that was holding me back in my adult life.
Now, I’m a Spiritual Success Coach who focuses on helping women heal their Mother Wounds with the objective of offering spiritual support and structured guidance during the process. Connecting with women who understand and validate what you’re going through will help you begin to trust yourself and can make the healing process go faster.
If you’re interested in working with me or have more questions about the Mother Wound, I’m just a few clicks away!
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